Breaking the Habit
by Kiayla Johnson
Summary: Songfic, Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park


Memories consume. Like opening the wound. I'm picking me apart again. You all assume I'm searching in my room unless I try to start again.  
  
It was almost as if I was hovering above my body hearing every word I was throwing at the petit redhead in front of me. I knew in my heart I loved her, but out of habit, once again, I was destructing her already vanishing self-esteem. In my minds eye I could see my father doing the same to me when I was a little boy. Soon the memories took over as they always do. Soon I had no control over the words I was emotionally stabbing her with. It hurt me to know what I was doing. I could feel the words cutting into me as they had when my father had done the very same thing. I could see her crying now. What have I done? I ran to my room to relieve the memories as I had before. No one ever would have guessed the infamous blonde Slytherin would ever have the pain I have. They would never think to look in my room before I hurt my self again. They all would think I'm gloating over making her cry once again, never would they guess that in reality I'm doing quite the opposite.  
  
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused. I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way I know its not alright. So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit tonight.  
  
I often wonder why I ended up with the father I got. My father didn't love me as the other children's fathers loved them. I have slowly come to the realization that I couldn't stop hurting people if I wanted to. I don't know how. I want to. I love her, but somehow I could never be able to tell her or show her in person so, I'll do it in the one way I can think of.  
  
Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door I try to catch my breath again. I hurt much more than any time before; I had no options left again.  
  
I go to my large wooden desk and grab a small dagger from it. After saying a spell to keep the door locked until my deed was done I sit against the door with my back to it. My pain inside is so deep. I don't know how to control it. This is the only way out of the pain. I press the knife to my wrist and steadily draw a line going to my forearm.  
  
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused. I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way I know its not alright. So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit tonight.  
  
I watch as the blood begins to flow steadily out of the line on my arm. Slowly at first but faster as I go back and cut the line deeper. The pain is horrific but at the same time awesome. It's amazing that pain could make you feel this good. I watch the blood, the life in me, work its way into a puddle on the floor next to me.  
  
I'll paint it on the walls cause I'm the one that falls, I'll never fight again and this is how it ends.  
  
I stand up slowly due to the dizziness I'm feeling. I work my way over to the desk beside my bed. Pulling out a pen and paper I begin to write. It's hard to write with my hand while my other arm is bleeding onto the wood. Laying the note on the desk where I'm sure someone will see it, I slowly sink against the bed. She'll never have to be hurt by me again. I'll finally be able to show her I love her in the one way that would come without the consequences of my father hurting her. This was she'll never be hurt by my family again. This is where it ends. Unable to hold myself up I lay on the floor, waiting for the end to come.  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream but now I have some clarity to show you what I mean, I don't know how I got this way I know its not alright. So I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit tonight.  
  
Hours later Crabbe, Goyle, and several Slytherins along with multiple professors crowd into the room where Draco Malfoy had killed himself. The only clue as to why he had done it laying on the bed above him. They all read the note in astonishment. "I'm Sorry, Ginny Weasley. I never wanted to hurt you. Maybe now you can be happy. Love, Draco Malfoy"  
  
A/N: Ok this is my first attempt at a song fic and anything remotely angsty. So tell me what you think. But please don't flame. -Kiayla 


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